no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize