she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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