thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
