I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently you make a good broom.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
