I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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