Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize