I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
