I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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