She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
