I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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