I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
