and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
