..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
