If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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