I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
honey bunches of taint.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
