I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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