marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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