I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This baby is an asshole
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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