yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
