I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
