Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
