it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
