Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
