just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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