this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
