hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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