I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
