then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
