Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
