I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
