He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
