Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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