shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Randomize
