i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
