There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
