how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
