Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
