Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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