You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
