yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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