a queef is a wish your heart makes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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