I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
