Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
