...so i touched it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
