This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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