i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
