at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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