what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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