My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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