You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Where is the hickey?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize