After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
