Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
