And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
