pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
