took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
