think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
