She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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