walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
