THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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