it hurts more in the daytime
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Floor bacon is actually really good
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
