Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
