Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
