Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
