He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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