good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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