I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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