Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
