I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
