I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
