you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I touched a dick in church today
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
