I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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