Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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