im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
