Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
