I'm going to jail i love you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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