I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
